


Your Taste Sucks

by paresseux



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Humor, living vicariously through my characters since forevs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4336760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paresseux/pseuds/paresseux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Swan Queen Week Summer 2015 / Day Two: Jealousy</p><p>Regina and Emma rate Storybrookians' hotness from 1-10, and in the process, Regina accidentally reveals that she's tried seducing Charming on multiple occasions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Taste Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> this was suppose to be just humor idk what happened I'm soz 
> 
> Your author, Dane

"A 2??? HOW DOES RUBY ONLY GET A 2?"

"Her lipstick is cheap and her eyes wander. She's not trustable." Regina responded, sucking at her milkshake straw normally as if she hadn't just fallen into the minority category of people-who-can't-recognize-a-hot-piece-of-ass. 

"Regina men and ladies alike come to Granny's just to be at eye level with her legs. Have you seen her legs...Regina you could climb those to heaven." 

They were both sitting in the underused outdoor patio of the diner, leaning back in their chairs watching people walk swiftly on the sidewalk. 

Regina pursed her lips and shrugged. 

"Ruby holds no allure for me. Next."

Emma rolls her eyes and scours the streets for more potential characters. 

"Whale?" 

“1"

“Aurora?”

“7.”

“Your taste sucks. Sean?”

“5.”

“Ingrid?”

Regina looks up from her drink, fairly alarmed, thinking the deceased ice queen was once again roaming the streets with her evil ice cream cones in hand. When she sees the coast is clear, she levels a frown at her blonde companion. 

“What? She’s dead, have some respect Swan…...Definitely a 10 though."

"Fair enough. Is this judgey? It's judgey isn't it." 

"Yes," said an unabashed Regina. "But we mean no harm and it stays between us. We can be horrible, quietly. With each other. NO ONE TOLD ME HOW EXHAUSTING IT IS TO BE A HERO. People keep looking at me. And not in fear. It's disconcerting." 

Regina ended her mini speech with an adorably puzzled crinkled forehead and fidgety hands. 

"I used to be a legend. People ran at the sound of my name in the farthest universe.” Regina sighed. “Anyways, the whole point of all this is I miss being bad a little. LET ME HAVE THIS EMMA.”

Emma raised her palms in surrender.

“Uncle, Uncle. Speaking of family ties, what about my dad?”

“8. I’ve tried seducing him a couple of times.”

Emma almost fell over herself in shock. The new information drenched her in cold discomfort, and a burning hatred she hadn’t felt for Regina in years. 

“When?”

Regina waves her left hand flippantly and contemplates. 

“Couple times. The last time, my dark curse was still active and I was trying to keep him away from Snow.” 

Regina swirls her straw in her smoothie, completely unaware of the cataclysmic storm brewing in the silence. When she next looks up, she is met with sharp blue eyes bulging, a lower jaw jutted out letting out hot exhales. The air around Emma seemed heavy with static, and unbearable violence. Regina stiffens, catching the new demeanor and responding accordingly. 

“Relax, nothing happened. True love will out and all that. Your father’s a good man.”

Emma firmly pushed back her chair and stood, one hand on her hip, the other tracing her lips in frustration. She sways back and forth, no longer able to look at Regina’s face.

“My father.”

Regina had the gall to look affronted. 

“Yes, and?”

“Gotta go. Lunch break is up.” Emma grabs her lukewarm coffee and starts her trek to the station. Regina, never to be deterred, growls and follows. 

“Listen, I apologize, truly. I was manipulative, and my intentions were cruel. I’m not that person anymore.”

“How wonderful for you.” Emma deadpans, walking even faster.

“…And if it’s because I didn’t tell you after all these years I apologize as well.” Regina implores, baffled by Emma’s behavior. 

“Apology accepted.” These words are still said with a cold apathy. Regina’s legs begin to cramp with Emma’s superior pace. Irritation overtakes her, at a loss about how to fix things. 

"Why are you so affected by this?” 

Emma suddenly swerves and switches directions, heading towards the man-made lake instead of her workplace. Regina follows wordlessly, wanting the ordeal to be talked over and done with.

Emma grabs her shoulders gently and guides her towards a bench overlooking the lake. She smiles absentmindedly at the black and white swans. She’d made space in the parks and recreation budget last year to accommodate them. They were a wonderful addition that the small town mayor was very proud of. An addition that ran deeper in meaning, a meaning that was not lost on anyone in Storybrooke. 

Emma paces slowly, gathering herself. When it seems her courage had reached paramount, she turns toward Regina. 

“10.”

“What?

“10. You were a 10 on my first day here. You were a 10 when you were still trying to kill me. A 10 every single time you were a hero. And I’ve been trying superhumanly hard to pretend you’re the standard 7 and I can live being this little part in your life… but you seduced my father, Regina, my father. And it seems like a cosmic joke because I really think I could be the one Charming you should seduce. Me. Emma.” The blonde speaks rapidly, sentences disjointed and frantic, a reflection of her distress. “So, yeah, I’m affected. A lot. I’m butthurt, honestly. A little grossed out, this reached Game of Thrones inter-Lannister relations and I don’t know how to process this. Because I love you. The burning-in-my-chest-love-you. That’s what I’m getting at here. ”

Emma lets out a long exhale, and closes her eyes. Regina’s lips are parted in bewilderment. The influx of Emma’s emotions were relentless and unavoidable, and bigger than anything Regina has ever faced. She hasn’t been on the receiving end of a helplessly present love since…him. Minutes go by. It all feels like a nightmare and a dream made love where she and Emma should’ve.

“This is not..how I wanted this to go.”

“I know.”

“No really, Emma, I had it planned out.” Regina shakes her head minutely and looks far off into the park. “It was going to be a regular day with our regular coffee orders, except this time your coffee came with a kiss. I was going to be bold, and it was going to be the easiest thing in the world to tell you I love you. Because it was in the coffee for years, I just needed to say it.”

Regina laughs to cover a sob, wrapping fingers around the bench seat tightly.

“It was suppose to be coffee in the morning, Emma, I am so sorry. So sorry.” 

“I know.”

Silence reigns again until Regina speaks softly, with purpose.

“...8.”

“What.”

“8. You were an 8 when I met you. When you met me I was a blank slate in a gray dress. When I met you… you were every threat to my happiness wrapped in pleather. You were an 8, but I wished to every god you were a 1, because I never had it in me to destroy you. There was never a version of the future that I felt you wouldn’t be present. And that was… so confusing. Then the mine avalanche, another nightmare. I was possibly losing my child for the second time and I was powerless against it. But you pulled him out of a hole. And he was tangible. You became a 10, and everything was impossible.”

Regina implores Emma to understand with her gaze. 

“What happened with David was a means to an end to me. An end I don’t even want anymore.” 

Emma leaned forward and crouched down, one hand on Regina’s knee. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Regina whispers, uncharacteristically timid. 

“Yeah. Weirder things have happened.” 

“Emma.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re the only one I care to seduce, ever.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Your taste doesn't suck after all."


End file.
